Postpartum Anxiety – PPD’s Forgotten Sibling

I had my son in October 2014.  I was the typical overjoyed mother.  I took the many PPD questionnaires are the Pediatrician and at my OB, and I appeared to be in the clear of any signs of PPD.  Whew, what a relief!

Fast forward to March 2015.  I started to have some panic attacks.  This was nothing new to me, and I had dealt with anxiety for many many years.  My anxiety was always worse from March-June.  Typically by June, it would ease up until the following year.

July came around, and my anxiety was still present and was in full force.  It was not getting better, but it actually appeared to be getting worse.  I continued to have regular panic attacks.  I figured this too shall pass, it was just taking longer this year.  I bit my tongue and I dealt with my anxiety in silence until October 2015.

Finally, I decide to say it out loud.  I have an anxiety problem and it is worse then it has ever been.  I was having panic attacks every day and sometimes multiple times a day.  It was now interfering with my life.  I decided it was time to make an appointment to go to the doctor.

I did not have a regular PCP, so I had to wait until the beginning of November to be seen.  I went in and he diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD.)  He did a couple of blood test to rule any medical issue out.  Because my anxiety stemmed from me assuming I had something medically wrong with me, the wait for the results was grueling.  They came back in 2 business days, but there was also a weekend in there.  My anxiety went through the roof at this point.  My test results came back negative. You would think I would have some relief.  I didn’t.  I became obsessive with checking symptoms and always assuming the worse.

My PCP did not want to prescribe anything until I tried exercise and cognitive behavioral therapy.  I started with exercising.  I had wanted to start anyway. (That baby weight doesn’t come off by itself!  Obviously since a year later I still had some!)  I started to have panic attacks while exercising.  I stopped exercising after a week.

I had made an appointment with a therapist.  I went to the therapist for a few weeks.  This type of therapy can actually take weeks until you start to see an improvement.  She told me after once session that I had post postpartum anxiety.  I had so many questions.  Postpartum anxiety?!  I’ve never heard of this.  My “baby” is 13 months old, can this really be postpartum?  I was told it was very common, but I had never heard of it.

I’m hoping more women can be educated about this type of anxiety.  I have done a ton of web browsing, and I find very little on the subject.  It was a rough 9 months, but it seems to be easing up slightly.  I want others out there to know that this exists, and that they are not alone.



War: Little Man vs Mommy

Cutting little man’s nails has become all out war with him.  When he was little bitty, I was able to do it as he was being fed.  Once he started holding his own bottle, I could do it as he was falling asleep.

NO! Not now.  I don’t dare do it while he’s falling asleep because he will not sleep….EVER AGAIN!! (Or he will stay up for at least another half hour guarding those fingers!)

He screams, cries, and trashes about more than a fish out of water.

I don’t understand, it doesn’t hurt!!!

I let them go an extra day to avoid a fight and he woke up with a scratch on his face.  #mommyfail


I Left My Baby in Daycare – To Clean

I had two scheduled doctors appointments today, so I took a vacation day at work.  I got up this morning at the same time to get ready for the day.  I dropped Little Man off at daycare at his normal time.  I made my way to my first doctor’s appointment.  There was very little wait time, and I was on my way.

I went to do some shopping that needed done while I waited for my second appointment.  I got a call saying that the doctor was sick and my appointment would need to be rescheduled.

I didn’t go and pick Little Man up early, I went home and cleaned.  That’s right, I cleaned for a few hours.  The house was a mess still from this past week.  I couldn’t seem to get things in order since his birthday party.  I organized all of his new toys and clothes.

I picked him up an hour early than usual.  I don’t feel guilty.  Now the house is clean, and I don’t have to spend time doing it this weekend!


My Little Man is Turning One

My little guy turns one tomorrow (5 hours to the exact time) and I’m not handling it well.

This past year has been one of the best.  I loved watching him grow and learn.  I will continue to love watching his discover new things, but I’m not ready for my baby to grow up!

This first year has flown by at a very fast pace.

Please little man, slow down!


Lactose intolerant?

When little man was wee little, he had a cows milk sensitivity.  We used Nutramigen for the first 7 to 8 months.  I was to weak to eliminate dairy from my diet.  Looking back, I regret this decision as I have stated in the past.

We weaned him onto Gentlease and he eventually did well with it.  I started adding greek yogurt to his diet.  He eventually started eating cheese as well.  Cheese has been his absolute favorite. 

As we started to near his first birthday, I started to give him milk with his dinner.  (he was getting more than enough formula throughout the day.)  He would suck the bottle dry.  Most days, I would only give him 6oz of milk. 

He started waking up at night.  He would literally wake up every 30 to 45 minutes.  I had no clue why. He also developed a rash on his arms and legs, but nowhere else.  This continued for over a week, and I kept trying to figure out what the cause was.  The only thing that changed was adding milk.  So the next two days, I did not give him any milk.  He continued to eat cheese, but not yogurt as he only wanted to feed himself.

Within two days he was sleeping better and his rash went away.  Maybe it was coinsidence, but I wasn’t ready to go back to not sleeping.

Fast forward a few weeks, and he wanted yogurt.  He was in the fridge and was pointing to it.  I let him have it.  He had eaten it for months prior without issue.  He woke up throwing up.  He threw up for hours.  The yogurt wasn’t bad because I had some myself.  I stopped with the yogurt.

Fast forward another week.  He had eaten cheese and then had grilled cheese for dinner.  He woke up in the middle of the night arching his back in pain again. He was acting exactly how he did when he wasn’t sleeping through the night before.  We barely slept.  The next two days I said no cheese, or dairy for that matter. 

He slept well last night and has been doing well so far tonight.

Could he have an allergy?  His formula still has cows milk.  I’m going to ask his doctor has his one year check up, but that’s still a month away

Any thoughts?!


Little Man is Moving Up Soon!

At least once a week when picking my little man up from daycare I see the owner.  Today when I picked him up she was with him in the Toddler room.   I pick him up close to closing time, so it’s not like they have a full house at this point.  He was walking around and watching the older kids.  You could tell he was really enjoying himself.

He waddled over as soon as he saw me.  I’m happy he is at the age that he likes to see me and gives me a hug in front of everyone.  I know these moments won’t last forever!

As we walked to the infant room to gather his belongings,  she mentioned about him moving up to the Tiny Tot room in January.  I knew the move would be coming soon, but I was in denial!  My baby is going to be one soon!  He is going to move up and become more independent.  I know this is a good thing, but at the same time it breaks my heart!  I feel like this past year has flown but, and I’m not ready for him to grow up yet.  *Insert pity party here for myself*  I wonder if men get sappy over this type of thing??


Superhero Blanket (Crochet version!)

As soon as we found out we were having a little boy, my husband knew he wanted to do his room in Superheroes. 

I began my search at finding the perfect bedding and accents to make this nursery a reality.  One thing that became a reality was the fact that there is not a ton of superhero merchandise out there for a baby’s room. 

Now that I have a little more free time, I have decided to try and free hand a crochet superhero blanket for him.  I know it’s every little boy’s dream to have a crochet blanket from mom!!!  *insert scarcasm*

I plan to do 4 pixilated faces and sew them together.  I’ll post pictures as I get them done!!